Go Away, Depression

I’ve tried a few different medications for depression, and while my current one works well, it also made me perpetually anxious. So my doctor and I decided to step back the dosage. Except then it didn’t work for my depression anymore. Gosh, I’d almost forgotten how incredibly shitty intense depressive episodes can be. What it’s like for my sweetheart to have to help me out of bed and to get dressed. All the crying and self loathing. The inability to stop ruminating on awful, sad things. I’d been used to dealing with my depression, but I’ve beenΒ functional for a good little while now. It was a rude reminder of how very ugly depression can be.

New plan with doctor: stay at a lower dosage and add another medication. These two are supposed to work well together. I started the new anti-depressant a few days ago, and I’ve been sick as a dog since then. I’m hanging in there and trying to outride the initial side effects which are supposed to go away within a week. Fingers crossed this works well.

It’s been tough to stay away from tarot for a few days, but it takes a lot of energy (even though I have fun!) to work with the cards, and I’ve been drained. Hopefully I’ll be back on the tarot wagon soon. In the meantime, I’m pondering how I’d like to move through the Minor ArcanaΒ now that I’m done with the Major Arcana. One suit at a time? Or by number (all aces, then twos, etc)? Court cards first or last? I’m leaning toward one suit at a time, starting with the ace and ending with the king. We’ll see!

6 thoughts on “Go Away, Depression

  1. I would look at a naturopath if I was you. I tried all the meditation options but really didn’t like it but after going to my naturopath, I am soo much better, I still have my moments but you also need to remember that a bad day is just that. You haven’t gone backwards you are just having a side shuffle and even ‘normal ‘ people have those kind of days.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, do I hear you. My life was changed immensely once I finally admitted to a doctor that I need help and we started me on Zoloft. I’m lucky that that has continued working for me for years. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if the first thing I tried didn’t work. I’d be such a mess, and so not here right now. I’m with you on the fighting depression. I haven’t been using my SAD lamp as much these days as I should, but an extra dose of vitamin D has been helping a lot, too. I’m so glad you have a doctor working with you on what will work best for your body, and that you have a sweetie there to remind you that you are loved and you can get through this. Because you can, you know you can, it just looks so hard right now.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, because I’ve noticed that cloudy and grey days really affect me; I’m lethargic and unhappy during those days. With the Earth spinning away from the sun lately and the days getting so short and dark I’ve noticed the lamp just evens things out a bit more for me to cope better with the lack of light. I don’t use it at all in the summer, but now it’s really good to have when I wake up.

        Liked by 1 person

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