I’ve tried a few different medications for depression, and while my current one works well, it also made me perpetually anxious. So my doctor and I decided to step back the dosage. Except then it didn’t work for my depression anymore. Gosh, I’d almost forgotten how incredibly shitty intense depressive episodes can be. What it’s like for my sweetheart to have to help me out of bed and to get dressed. All the crying and self loathing. The inability to stop ruminating on awful, sad things. I’d been used to dealing with my depression, but I’ve been functional for a good little while now. It was a rude reminder of how very ugly depression can be.
New plan with doctor: stay at a lower dosage and add another medication. These two are supposed to work well together. I started the new anti-depressant a few days ago, and I’ve been sick as a dog since then. I’m hanging in there and trying to outride the initial side effects which are supposed to go away within a week. Fingers crossed this works well.
It’s been tough to stay away from tarot for a few days, but it takes a lot of energy (even though I have fun!) to work with the cards, and I’ve been drained. Hopefully I’ll be back on the tarot wagon soon. In the meantime, I’m pondering how I’d like to move through the Minor Arcana now that I’m done with the Major Arcana. One suit at a time? Or by number (all aces, then twos, etc)? Court cards first or last? I’m leaning toward one suit at a time, starting with the ace and ending with the king. We’ll see!