Reading: Validation & Self-Care

My sweetheart got me the gorgeous Prisma Visions tarot deck for Christmas! I love it, and it is so beautiful!

Wow, it’s been weird not being able to work daily with tarot during this busy holiday season. It’s also been a kind of rough go emotionally. We’ve had good times, but I’ve had a particular situation / relationship on my mind which is really upsetting. So tonight I’ll do a reading to both validate my feelings and to seek advice on taking care of myself.

My interpretation might be short because I’m sleepy, but I really wanted to do a reading tonight.

Reading 2015, Dec 30
Prisma Visions Tarot

Row One: How I am feeling

King of Wands

I know what I want, but unlike the king, making this happen is not in my power. It is not in my power to create the change that would set my heart at ease.

Ace of Chalices

A whole well of feelings that I’ve just recently been able to articulate / name. It’s not positive though. It’s intense and sad. So rather than a seed of possibility, it feels condensed and concentrated.

Nine of Swords

I feel frozen by sadness. I feel out of options and tired of trying. I have trouble seeing how to get out of this particular scenario in any positive way. I feel bleak and gobbled up. I do not think that this is my depression. I am just intensely sad about this situation right now.

Row Two: How I can take care of myself

Page of Chalices

Be aware of my emotions, don’t judge them, and share them as needed.

Ace of Wands

Create things, even though I’m sad. Occupy my mind with sewing, tarot, business research, setting up a new workout routine. I may be super sad right now, but I can still keep busy.

Knight of Wands

I’m feeling really torn in two directions right now, and I can take care of myself by not choosing to act in a particular direction. Rather than rushing forward or spinning myself in circles, I can stop expecting myself to know what to do and what direction to go. I should just live with this contradiction at the moment. Time may help me move forward, but right now that is not productive.

Evening Read: 16 Dec 2015

Reading 2015, Dec 16
Ostara Tarot

Position One: What did I excel at or learn today?

Six of Coins (Six of Pentacles)

I had a friend over today who has a budding business, and I shared with her my dreams of a tarot business. We had a nice evening of sharing support and advice. A lovely give and take. I was very comfortable accepting help and advice, which can sometimes make me uncomfortable.

Position Two: How can I strive to be my best tomorrow?

Ace of Cups

Revel in the love of family! Enjoy the water element energy. I look forward to it 🙂

Reading: The Sun

Reading 2015, Dec 4
Animism Tarot, A Reading for the Sun from Rachel Pollack’s The New Tarot Handbook

This reading seems to call for a particular situation, so I’ll just keep in mind my general life transition right now for this reading.

Position One: What is clear about an issue or a situation?

Ten of Pentacles

I have security, my worldly needs are met. This security is a major reason I am able to make this transition. I’ve been able to stop working (mostly, I still teach online) and can dedicate a lot of time to my mental health, which includes practicing tarot.

This card can also symbolize family. I am feeling much more like a “real” member of my chosen family. A greater sense of solidarity helps to support me.

Position Two: What is clouded over?

Ten of Swords

I acknowledge that my fears of betrayal are exaggerated. However, they do indeed still exist. I haven’t been able to banish them. These fears cloud over my ability to truly relax into the feeling of familial solidarity suggested in the Ten of Pentacles.

Position Three: What helps me see clearly?

Ace of Cups

Consciously fostering a new emotional outlook. Joanna says, “This is the potential of creating something magical.” I sure hope so! The more I can grow this Ace of Cups seed, the smaller I hope my Ten of Swords fears will become.

Position Four: What confuses me?

Ten of Cups

This card symbolizes happiness and love and connection and family. Where the Ten of Pentacles represents perhaps a more structured sense of family, the Ten of Cups is more about joy in only each other’s company. Which is a lovely idea! And one I don’t totally understand. Since I am by far the latest joiner to this chosen family of mine, it seems very Ten of Cups and I don’t know what the rules are. They aren’t clear to me. And I do well with structure and rules. Everyone is accepted for who they are, but I don’t understand how respect is enforced, and respect is a big issue for me. (I’ve been in this family for literally years, but it’s just so different than my understanding of the world it is taking a long time to really settle in.)

Position Five: How can I simplify this issue or situation?

Knight of Wands

Conviction, passion, courage, and focus. Adventure! Perhaps I can simplify this transition by framing it as an adventure. There are unknowns and there may be bumps, but all adventures have each of those. So I should approach this adventure with excitement and deal with the bumps along the way rather than focusing all of my the time on what might go wrong or what I’m not sure of.

The Animal Wisdom Tarot says that this card teaches both pacing and stamina, both of which are good to keep in mind on this adventure.

Overall Reflection

Holy tens, Batman! Plus the Ace makes for a big message about beginnings and endings. This is indeed a major transition, and I feel like I’m on the cusp. I can look behind me and see someone totally different. I can look ahead and know that big things are coming, even if I’m not sure what they look like. And the Knight says, “You’ve got this! Stay brave and excited!”

Reading: The Star

Reading 2015, Dec 2
Animism Tarot and Gypsy Palace Tarot, A Reading for the Star from Rachel Pollack’s The New Tarot Handobok

This reading called for 1-3 cards for each position. So I decided to use the two decks with my favorite Star cards and to pull one card from each deck per position.

Position One: Hope

Three of Pentacles & Ace of Cups

Teamwork and a new emotional beginning. Perhaps these are good places to pin my hopes. Not so much in very specific ideas (the Star has told me a couple of times already I’m too idealistic), but more in the process itself. Opening myself up to accepting help and cooperation and feeling hopeful about this new emotional beginning.

Position Two: Guidance

Six of Cups & The Lovers

Generosity and connection. The guidance here may be, “Give more of yourself to those you trust. Foster a closer connection, strengthen that trust into something more solid. And don’t forget to include generosity toward yourself.”

Both cards are sixes, speaking to harmony. A true harmony is not possible if I am always holding something back.

Position Three: Peace

The World & Knight of Cups

Slow down and appreciate the interconnectedness of everything. Take time to make myself whole. Be the dreamy Knight of Cups and take in the World with love and wonder.

Position Four: Healing

Knight of Swords & Three of Swords

Healing actually takes a great deal of courage. As I’ve spoken about a few times recently, even when I know change is possible it can be difficult to take the steps necessary to make it happen. The unknown is scary, and the “bad” present suddenly looks like a safe bet. So it takes courage to change, and at the same time I will always carry some degree of hurt and trauma with me. As much as I would absolutely love there to be a final threshold to cross and be able to yell, “I’m all better!”, that’s just not going to happen. There will always be damaged parts of myself, but I have to be brave and to mend those parts that can be put back together or remade.

Animism Tarot message

A major theme of connection: teamwork, generosity, and the universe. All followed by courage. Connection is vitally important, but there’s an acknowledgment that it’s not always the easiest thing to accomplish.

Gypsy Palace Tarot message

Love is a major theme: love as beginning, love as connection, love as slow and dreamy-eyed, and love as pain. Again, love is important, and the acknowledgement that it’s not always easy either.

Overall Reflection

This has been such an interesting spread, especially when I looked at the two decks’ cards separately. Such a similar message!

 

Reading: The Lovers

Reading 2015, Nov 12
Animal Wisdom Tarot, A Reading for the Lovers from Rachel Pollack’s The New Tarot Handbook

Position One: How have I experienced love in my life?

Seer of Feathers (Page of Swords, Earth of Air)

The Page of Swords is emotionally detached and cautious, often viewing the world as an outsider observing the lives of others. She hangs on to her sword of truth, even when it does not benefit her. I have experienced love as a dangerous, conditional, and unreliable thing which leaves me cautious of getting close to others. My “sword of truth” about love is that I am replaceable and if I allow myself to put my walls down and connect with someone they will hurt me deeply. I don’t like believing that, but if I’m being perfectly honest with myself it is a belief a hold.

Position Two: What has come from it?

Seer of Fossils (Page of Pentacles, Earth of Earth)

From this experience, I believe the result would be how Paul Quinn describes the shadow of the Page of Pentacles in Tarot for Life: “Pursuing purely practical avenues to the exclusion of emotional or spiritual needs” (274). Many of my life’s decisions have been based on what I “ought” to do as the most practical thing rather than what might be best for my whole elemental self. For example, during one particular session, my therapist asked me what I wanted. I didn’t even really understand the question because that never factored into my life choices. Having not experienced nurturance of my own inner self by those who raised me, I failed to nurture my inner self as well.

Position Three: What do I desire?

Nine of Fossils (Pentacles)

I desire the happy satisfaction that will hopefully come when I have arrived in a more safe and comfortable place with love. I desire the satisfaction of calmly and confidently existing in my family of choice and knowing that all of my hard work I put into relearning what love is was worth it.

Position Four: What holds me back?

Ace of Branches (Wands)

I have the desire to change, but it can be difficult to keep that Ace of Wands burning when it is regularly doused with water (emotion, fear).

Position Five: What does love ask of me?

Ace of Shells (Cups)

Love asks that I plant a new seed of emotional truth. I have a flourishing bushel of fear when it comes to love, but I should tend to a new seed that needs care and nourishment. One that perhaps is based in intuition, trust, and love itself.

Position Six: What can love give me?

Seven of Shells (Cups)

Love can give me the fuel I need to imagine accepting that unconditional love is real and that it is being offered to me. The Seven of Cups can often indicate daydreams divorced from reality, but in this instance I don’t think that is true. In this instance, I need to accept that this dream is real. I just need to shake off my fear and embrace it.

Elements & Aces

Today I’ll be exploring a few lessons from The Alternative Tarot Course by Beth of Little Red Tarot. I’m thinking about the elements, the aces, and how I can connect these things to my own life.

Pentacles

Ace of Pentacles
Ace of Pentacles, Efflorescent Tarot

Pentacles are the suit of our material lives. Things like home, money, health, work, bodies, sex, and nature. Pentacles also represent the element of earth.

Ace of Pentacles opportunity: I’ve recently been able to quit my job, and I have the opportunity to nurture my home and health. I can vacuum and wash dishes and do yoga and walk in nature and craft. In general, I’ll be a better partner. And I’m pretty darn excited about all of these things!

Pentacle & Earth Parts of Me: I love being in nature, and I love animals.

Room for Improvement or Balance: I’m not always very in tune with my body or very good at taking care of it.

Wands

Ace of Wands
Ace of Wands, Efflorescent Tarot

Wands are the suit of our inner fire. Things like “ideas, projects, creativity, beginnings, inspiration… the things which motivate us, excite us and drive us forwards.” Wands also represent the element of fire.

Ace of Wands opportunity: Pretty much everything I’m doing right now feels wand-y. I’m full of inspiration on my new life path! I’ll get back to writing my novel which I’ve neglected for months now. I’m learning tarot which is really fun so far (and really helpful too). I have my whole life ahead of me, and I feel for the first time like I really am the author of my own life.

Wand & Fire Parts of Me: I can be really creative. I am passionate and driven. Sometimes I’m adventurous.

Room for Improvement or Balance: Trust my creative self more.

Cups

Ace of Cups
Ace of Cups, Efflorescent Tarot

Cups are the suit of our emotional and spiritual selves. Things like “love, connection, sadness, spirituality/religion, soulfulness, artistic creativity.” Cups also represent the element of water.

Ace of Cups opportunity: Since I am able to stay at home now, I will be able to dedicate much more time to caring more for my mental/emotional health. I’ve been struggling a lot lately, and I’m looking forward to caring for myself. Which will make me better able to connect with others.

Cup & Water Parts of Me: I am compassionate. I have depression, anxiety, and c-ptsd, so my emotions are out of whack at times. I feel things deeply. I love animals freely and people cautiously.

Room for Improvement or Balance: Emotional stability, trusting others.

Swords

Ace of Swords
Ace of Swords, Efflorescent Tarot

Swords are the suit of our intellectual selves. Things like “knowledge, truth, justice, strategy, communication, obsession.” Swords also represent the element of air.

Ace of Swords opportunity: I am now able to try building my intellect in new areas. I have primarily focused on formal education — I’ve loved school since the first day of kindergarten! But I’m looking for fulfillment and satisfaction elsewhere. And I can use my smarts to learn skills associated with the other suits/elements: crafting, communicating, writing, creating. It will be a new adventure for my thinking brain 🙂

Sword & Air Parts of Me: I am hardcore analytical and very intelligent (in a sword-y kind of way … the rest, not so much). I have an obsessive personality.

Room for Improvement or Balance: Don’t think so darn much. Feel and go with the flow.

Overall Reflection

I think that at this moment in time, Wands/fire are my biggest strength. I just need to trust myself to use those parts of myself. While I’m “best” at what the Swords represent, I’m overly dependent on my mind and need to cultivate my others traits and care for my body and heart. A better balance is what I’m working toward.

In my daily draws and readings now, I’ll try to take note of the elements at play and take them into consideration in my reflections.