Today there was a wonderful reciprocal balance at home. My sweetheart and I had a nice day enjoying each other’s company, and I did a good job of being present in the moment and enjoying the experience.
Position Two: How can I strive to be my best tomorrow?
Ace of Wands
It’s the beginning of the new year, and I have many projects and ideas. Take advantage of this time of newness to resurrect or begin a project. Even just tentatively beginning. I don’t have to master and complete something immediately. Enjoy the process as well. Just harness my creative powers and see where they lead.
My sweetheart got me the gorgeous Prisma Visions tarot deck for Christmas! I love it, and it is so beautiful!
Wow, it’s been weird not being able to work daily with tarot during this busy holiday season. It’s also been a kind of rough go emotionally. We’ve had good times, but I’ve had a particular situation / relationship on my mind which is really upsetting. So tonight I’ll do a reading to both validate my feelings and to seek advice on taking care of myself.
My interpretation might be short because I’m sleepy, but I really wanted to do a reading tonight.
Row One: How I am feeling
King of Wands
I know what I want, but unlike the king, making this happen is not in my power. It is not in my power to create the change that would set my heart at ease.
Ace of Chalices
A whole well of feelings that I’ve just recently been able to articulate / name. It’s not positive though. It’s intense and sad. So rather than a seed of possibility, it feels condensed and concentrated.
Nine of Swords
I feel frozen by sadness. I feel out of options and tired of trying. I have trouble seeing how to get out of this particular scenario in any positive way. I feel bleak and gobbled up. I do not think that this is my depression. I am just intensely sad about this situation right now.
Row Two: How I can take care of myself
Page of Chalices
Be aware of my emotions, don’t judge them, and share them as needed.
Ace of Wands
Create things, even though I’m sad. Occupy my mind with sewing, tarot, business research, setting up a new workout routine. I may be super sad right now, but I can still keep busy.
Knight of Wands
I’m feeling really torn in two directions right now, and I can take care of myself by not choosing to act in a particular direction. Rather than rushing forward or spinning myself in circles, I can stop expecting myself to know what to do and what direction to go. I should just live with this contradiction at the moment. Time may help me move forward, but right now that is not productive.
Of all the days to pull this card, today seems like an odd one. We had a full day of holiday company, and will for the next several days! My quiet world and comfortable routine will cease to exist until some time around the new year. In this case, I think the Hermit indicates that I did a good job today of not feeling overwhelmed by outside sources. I maintained a safe inner space and did not let all of my energies get sapped by feeling the need to constantly please others. My own little private cave inside of myself remained intact and un-intruded upon.
Position Two: How can I strive to be my best tomorrow?
Ace of Wands
I can maintain a positive outlook and creative energy for entertaining guests. I shouldn’t be easily discouraged, and I shouldn’t be afraid to make a decision when others seem unsure of what to do. Be a leader and create a positive environment. Trust myself rather than second-guessing my decisions and worrying about whether others are having a good time.
I found this great Thanksgiving spread I’d like to try out. I’m doing it a day early because we’re getting ready to head over to spend the next couple days with family, and I won’t have anywhere private to do this. (I’m not exactly “out” yet about my tarot reading.)
This seems a lot more gloomy than I was anticipating. Time to dive in and see what some of this might mean.
Position One: What sustains me (Turkey)
Five of Pentacles
This seemed like a tough card in this position, but I pulled out Joanna’s little white book, and some of the key words she uses for this card can certainly fit here: “truth, adaptation, endurance.” These little kiwis have been through a lot, but they still have each other and they know this moment is not the end. Better things will come. They just have to endure the present moment. I think it is fair to say that this sense of endurance is something that sustains me. I’ve been through bad times, but I’ve learned to stick with those who love me and to know in the midst of sorrow and hardship that better things will come.
Position Two: What completes me (Stuffing)
The Wheel of Fortune
A change in my life for the better. The period of my life defined by pain has ended. A new era has dawned, and even though some of it is mysterious and beyond my control, it’s a much better place to be. I love the image of a spider web as the Wheel. This can symbolize the interconnectedness of all things. I may only be a thread in the web, but I am both an essential piece (valuable, with purpose) and connected to the others (attached, not in control). Additionally, spider webs look pretty delicate, but they’re quite strong.
Position Three: What I don’t get enough of (Green Bean Casserole)
Ace of Swords
At first I was confused by this card in this position since I tend to be a sword-heavy person. But perhaps in this place it means clarity and courage. I think a lot and rely on my mind a lot, but it doesn’t mean I’ve felt brave about some of the changes I’d like to make, or clear on how to create these changes. I’ve not been seeing with the clear sight of the eagle.
I like what Joanna says, “Let the world speak. What we find may not be what we wanted, but it may be what we needed after all.”
Position Four: What I get too much of (Cranberry Sauce)
Ace of Wands
Well, I’ve already established that it’s not courage. I think with this Ace in this position, I think I’ve had too much fire and drive with too little direction to send it in. I want change, I’m ready for change, but I’ve got all this pent up energy. Without the clarity of the Ace of Swords, I can get burned by this energy.
Position Five: What I need to share (Bread)
One of the many meanings that the Magician conveys is “as above, so below,” and so also “as within, so without.” I have moments of confidence and pride in who I am on a deep level. I need to share that. I need to share myself, my talents, and my skills to create the “as within, so without” balance represented in the Magician.
Position Six: What I should enjoy more (Pie)
Nine of Wands
This is a card of defensiveness. When I first discovered this, I immediately related to it. The RWS depiction of someone with their flimsy fort of sticks was a symbolic depiction that spoke directly to me. In the Animism Tarot, we can see that this elephant had good reason to fight. She was being held captive. However, if we look closely, we can see that her chains are broken. She can run away now. I should enjoy my freedom more, rather than feeling like I’m still in the middle of a fight.
Position Seven: What my blessing is in life (Blessing)
Three of Swords
While this card represents heartbreak and pain most clearly, it also speaks to healing. I wouldn’t necessarily call my pain a blessing, but the sunrise after the storm is something a lot of people don’t get to see. For folks who live out their lives in mostly sunny days, a sunrise may not be something special. But as someone who spent the first two decades of her life in a dark and scary storm, the sunrise after was and continues to be a huge blessing. My blessing is that I escaped my pain (or the source of my pain, anyway), and I get to journey to greener pastures. I get to revel in the joy of many small kindnesses that others may take for granted.
That turned out much less gloomy than I thought it might at first glance. My pain is a part of me, but that doesn’t mean the pain itself stays central to who I am. It may shape me, but my life is about more than dwelling in the hurt.
Note: I swapped green bean casserole and cranberry sauce from their original positions in Arwen’s spread to better fit my Thanksgiving taste buds 🙂
Position One: How have I experienced love in my life?
Seer of Feathers (Page of Swords, Earth of Air)
The Page of Swords is emotionally detached and cautious, often viewing the world as an outsider observing the lives of others. She hangs on to her sword of truth, even when it does not benefit her. I have experienced love as a dangerous, conditional, and unreliable thing which leaves me cautious of getting close to others. My “sword of truth” about love is that I am replaceable and if I allow myself to put my walls down and connect with someone they will hurt me deeply. I don’t like believing that, but if I’m being perfectly honest with myself it is a belief a hold.
Position Two: What has come from it?
Seer of Fossils (Page of Pentacles, Earth of Earth)
From this experience, I believe the result would be how Paul Quinn describes the shadow of the Page of Pentacles in Tarot for Life: “Pursuing purely practical avenues to the exclusion of emotional or spiritual needs” (274). Many of my life’s decisions have been based on what I “ought” to do as the most practical thing rather than what might be best for my whole elemental self. For example, during one particular session, my therapist asked me what I wanted. I didn’t even really understand the question because that never factored into my life choices. Having not experienced nurturance of my own inner self by those who raised me, I failed to nurture my inner self as well.
Position Three: What do I desire?
Nine of Fossils (Pentacles)
I desire the happy satisfaction that will hopefully come when I have arrived in a more safe and comfortable place with love. I desire the satisfaction of calmly and confidently existing in my family of choice and knowing that all of my hard work I put into relearning what love is was worth it.
Position Four: What holds me back?
Ace of Branches (Wands)
I have the desire to change, but it can be difficult to keep that Ace of Wands burning when it is regularly doused with water (emotion, fear).
Position Five: What does love ask of me?
Ace of Shells (Cups)
Love asks that I plant a new seed of emotional truth. I have a flourishing bushel of fear when it comes to love, but I should tend to a new seed that needs care and nourishment. One that perhaps is based in intuition, trust, and love itself.
Position Six: What can love give me?
Seven of Shells (Cups)
Love can give me the fuel I need to imagine accepting that unconditional love is real and that it is being offered to me. The Seven of Cups can often indicate daydreams divorced from reality, but in this instance I don’t think that is true. In this instance, I need to accept that this dream is real. I just need to shake off my fear and embrace it.
The Ace of Wands can represent a new project or a desire to create. It could be a flash of inspiration that sparks creative confidence and enthusiasm. An eagerness to rise to a challenge. Be bold and trust your inner light. It can also symbolize spiritual awakening and sexuality. Fire energy may not last for long lengths of time, so we must take advantage when inspiration strikes and trust our instincts. The eight leaves flying off of the wand in the Efflorescent Tarot card, which is similar to the traditional RWS card, symbolizes the number eight card of the Major Arcana: Strength.
A shadow could be a lack of passion for a project, a premature start on a project, or a missing opportunity. As an element, the work of fire is irreversible, so it could be a reminder to not let our passionate enthusiasm run so wild that we damage others (or even ourselves) in the process of pursuing our creative endeavor. Perhaps if we are lacking passion we need to seek out that which will inspire us and light our inner fire.
If the Ace of Wands could say something to me today, it might say, “Pay attention to what inspires you and follow your passion.”
Pentacles are the suit of our material lives. Things like home, money, health, work, bodies, sex, and nature. Pentacles also represent the element of earth.
Ace of Pentacles opportunity: I’ve recently been able to quit my job, and I have the opportunity to nurture my home and health. I can vacuum and wash dishes and do yoga and walk in nature and craft. In general, I’ll be a better partner. And I’m pretty darn excited about all of these things!
Pentacle & Earth Parts of Me: I love being in nature, and I love animals.
Room for Improvement or Balance: I’m not always very in tune with my body or very good at taking care of it.
Wands are the suit of our inner fire. Things like “ideas, projects, creativity, beginnings, inspiration… the things which motivate us, excite us and drive us forwards.” Wands also represent the element of fire.
Ace of Wands opportunity: Pretty much everything I’m doing right now feels wand-y. I’m full of inspiration on my new life path! I’ll get back to writing my novel which I’ve neglected for months now. I’m learning tarot which is really fun so far (and really helpful too). I have my whole life ahead of me, and I feel for the first time like I really am the author of my own life.
Wand & Fire Parts of Me: I can be really creative. I am passionate and driven. Sometimes I’m adventurous.
Room for Improvement or Balance: Trust my creative self more.
Cups are the suit of our emotional and spiritual selves. Things like “love, connection, sadness, spirituality/religion, soulfulness, artistic creativity.” Cups also represent the element of water.
Ace of Cups opportunity: Since I am able to stay at home now, I will be able to dedicate much more time to caring more for my mental/emotional health. I’ve been struggling a lot lately, and I’m looking forward to caring for myself. Which will make me better able to connect with others.
Cup & Water Parts of Me: I am compassionate. I have depression, anxiety, and c-ptsd, so my emotions are out of whack at times. I feel things deeply. I love animals freely and people cautiously.
Room for Improvement or Balance: Emotional stability, trusting others.
Swords are the suit of our intellectual selves. Things like “knowledge, truth, justice, strategy, communication, obsession.” Swords also represent the element of air.
Ace of Swords opportunity: I am now able to try building my intellect in new areas. I have primarily focused on formal education — I’ve loved school since the first day of kindergarten! But I’m looking for fulfillment and satisfaction elsewhere. And I can use my smarts to learn skills associated with the other suits/elements: crafting, communicating, writing, creating. It will be a new adventure for my thinking brain 🙂
Sword & Air Parts of Me: I am hardcore analytical and very intelligent (in a sword-y kind of way … the rest, not so much). I have an obsessive personality.
Room for Improvement or Balance: Don’t think so darn much. Feel and go with the flow.
I think that at this moment in time, Wands/fire are my biggest strength. I just need to trust myself to use those parts of myself. While I’m “best” at what the Swords represent, I’m overly dependent on my mind and need to cultivate my others traits and care for my body and heart. A better balance is what I’m working toward.
In my daily draws and readings now, I’ll try to take note of the elements at play and take them into consideration in my reflections.