New Moon Wellspring

Moon

I check in at each new moon to set goals for the month ahead. These are opportunities to better my life.

EARTH (PENTACLES)

Home, Health, Nature, Work

  • Keep the dining room table clear for longer than an afternoon.
  • Keep taking care of myself (by taking it easy) as I get used to this new med
  • Once I’m feeling better, get back to hula hooping and walking.

FIRE (WANDS)

Projects, Creativity, Inspiration

  • Start back up on making my first ever quilt

WATER (CUPS)

Relationships, Emotion, Spirituality

  • Start meditating again
  • Continue fostering my relationships in my chosen family
  • Write to some friends I haven’t spoken with a while

AIR (SWORDS)

Knowledge, Communication, Justice

  • Read more books! Having a dang smart phone has gotten in the way of my reading :/
  • Give myself credit for improving communication — including being better at apologizing when I need to

XXI. The World

The World
Efflorescent Tarot

Card Meaning

The World represents fullness, fulfillment, wholeness, and freedom. Success.

In the RWS depiction, the wreath around the dancer is round (it is diamond shaped here in the Efflorescent). The round wreath echos the 0 (zero) of the Fool.  Rachel Pollack in Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom states, “The oval wreath suggests the number 0, with all its symbolism. It implies as well the cosmic egg, the archetype of emergence; all things exist in potential and all potentials are realized. The self is everywhere in all things” (139). Likewise, the sash around the dancer’s waist mimics the infinity symbol which reminds us both “as above, so below” and “as within, so without.” But the World tells us there is no division between above and below, within and without. All is one.

The World
Gypsy Palace Tarot

The Fool and the World each represent a kind of wholeness and confidence, though the World seems to symbolize a more “wise” whole. Reaching the World card takes one through each card on the Fool’s Journey, many experiences will shape who we will ultimately become. We may have stumbled along the way, or even fallen backwards at certain points. When we reach the World, there is a dissolution of petty separateness. We clearly see the the universe as a whole and ourselves as a whole within the greater unity. It symbolizes the oneness of our super-conscious, conscious, and unconscious. At the end of the Fool’s Journey, the World is enlightenment or nirvana.

I really enjoy this observation from Paul Quinn in Tarot for Life, “The inclusiveness of World consciousness naturally extends to those outside the human family. The spirituality of Native Americans is rooted in a profound connectedness to animals, plants, and the earth itself. … People of these tribes would refer not to a mountain or the mountain, but simply ‘mountain,’ as in ‘we went to Mountain, followed Sun, saw Fox and Bear.’ … Directly addressing the object … further enhances the sense of connection and engenders almost instant feelings of intimacy. We start to see the soul of the thing” (140).

The World - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

These are pretty heavy concepts, so the World can also symbolize success, union, or resolution in a reading.

I absolutely love the Animal Wisdom Tarot depiction and name of card twenty-one. The whale as “The All-Encompassing.” The name seems more fitting than “The World” to me.

A shadow of the World could be being too far up in the clouds and not dealing with necessary details. An opposite or reverse meaning of the World could be failing to see the whole by paying too much attention to the small things.

Elemental Association

If I were to assign an element to the World, it would be all four: air, earth, fire, and water. The World is perfect unity and balance!

Personal Reflection

I feel most connected to the universe when I am out in nature. I particularly love going on walks with my sweetheart. We took a super long walk today and saw some ducks and a woodpecker and sat and watched the wind blow across a pond. All the little things seem to dissolve on these special outings together. There’s just us in the moment, a part of the world around us.

As I’ve discussed at length, I don’t always feel at home in the world around me. I’m making great strides, but I have a long way to go. This is a big card to live up to though, so I don’t feel bad about not having acheived that which is embodied in the World. It’s a good goal, but I don’t know how many people will ever reach it! At least not in one lifetime. I still value it as a reminder of the connection of all things and all people.

Full Moon Reflection

Moon & Self cropTime to reflect on my progress in each elemental area. The full moon gives me a chance to regularly check in with myself to see how I am doing and whether I am well-balanced or need work in a particular area.

Earth (Pentacles)

I have been more physically active lately. I’ve been hula hooping, and I started lifting small weights again a couple of days ago. I’m not totally on track yet, but I’m on the right track. It’s been too cold to get out on the trail, which is a bummer.

I’ve also been better at making actual meals instead of just eating whatever the easiest thing at hand is. So that’s good.

The apartment is a bit cleaner. I’ve set up a new chore schedule to help me stay on top of things on a weekly basis. This week it isn’t going so well with Thanksgiving excitement, but next week will be better.

Fire (Wands)

I haven’t been very motivated lately. I have a lot of things that need doing, and the lack of motivation is turning into stress as my tasks pile up. There’s not actually that many things I need to do, but without much motivation, it seems like a lot. I think this is just a more or less natural dip in motivation as the weather gets colder and the semester winds down. The next couple of weeks might be tough, but I’ll be fine.

Water (Cups)

It’s been so-so in this area. I’ve certainly been feeling a lot, but a good bit has been fear and anxiety due to a few different circumstances. However, I’ll give myself credit for handling these feelings in a much healthier way than in the past. Rather than totally letting them take over my body, I control what I can. I dig up the root of the the feeling, and even if I can’t banish it, I do tarot readings and create positive self-talk to help dampen the feeling (at least somewhat) until it passes.

Air (Swords)

Intellectually, I’ve been enjoying my school work. I also continue to do a better job of letting my brain rest and just being whether I am alone or with other people. It’s a nice feeling, and the world hasn’t crumbled around me.

Overall Reflection

It’s been a good month with some really hard bits thrown in there. I haven’t made as much progress between my last Full Moon Reflection and now as I would have hoped, but I have made progress, and for now I am content with that. I’m not stagnant, and I’m not moving backwards. My main focus has been Earth and Water, and the baby steps I’ve made there feel significant even if they don’t seem like it when I look closely at the changes I’ve made. I’m eating meals, I’m moving my body, I’m cleaning my home, and I’m trying my best to stay on top of negative emotions. I’m not winning at these every day, but that’s not the point today. I’ll go ahead and give myself a pat on the back.

XIV. Temperance

Temperance
Efflorescent Tarot

Card Meaning

This card stands for inner balance, calmness, synthesis, control, and moderation. It is the last card of the second row of the Major Arcana, and as such, represents the success of self-discovery and self-confidence. Where the Chariot stood for a willed balance of worldly success, Temperance is about inner equilibrium, and seems to feel more “natural” than the balance of the Chariot. It’s more of a comfortable mixing of one’s self with the outer world. We can see this in the Efflorescent Tarot depiction: the angel has one foot on the water (inner, emotional self) and the other on earth (the physical, outer world). It can also be a symbol of peacemaking or mediation.

Paul Quinn in Tarot for Life says that Temperance helps us to accept the contradictions inherent in not only life, but within ourselves: “selfish and generous, deliberate and spontaneous, forceful and gentle, caring and cruel … Temperance reminds us that we are already ‘enough’ as well as works in progress” (102-103).

A shadow of Temperance could be fearing extremes. An opposite or reverse of Temperance could be existing in extremes, losing control, or an excess or lack.

Temperance
Gypsy Palace Tarot

Elemental Association

If I were to assign an element to Temperance, it might actually be all four as Temperance speaks to a balance in seemingly contradictory parts of ourselves. I may place an emphasis on water and earth as symbols of a balance between inner and outer worlds.

Personal Reflection

This is a card I can relate to as a goal I can see in my future and that I wish to attain. But certainly not one I already have a good grasp on.

I think my two biggest contradictory personality traits are being a people pleaser and not tolerating bs. My biggest challenge here is both being kind and compassionate and remaining true to myself and not getting walked all over. I tend to vacillate between the two, but it’d be awfully nice to find a peaceful middle where I was confident in my ability to both be a good, kind person and to be honest and respected. To get there I have to accept that I can’t please people at all times and still have a voice of my own, nor can I be intolerant of other people’s blunders or eccentricities and be an understanding person.

Temperance - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

As far as the symbol of being a peacemaker or mediator, that is a role I have played to an extreme for much of my life. Even mediation can be done to an extreme! I poured my whole self into attempting to balance the emotions of others and in the process completely missed out on getting to know myself or creating balance in my own life. Since I didn’t have appropriate boundaries, I’m now learning what it means to balance my own needs with others. It’s a weird experience, and I feel selfish sometimes, but I have to remind myself that taking care of myself is a part of the balance of life if I’m going to have a quality life.

One unlikely relationship pairing in my life was very uncomfortable for many years. We were a part of each other’s lives, like it or not, and we finally both decided to try making our relationship a positive thing. It was a process the required creativity, patience, perseverance, and compromise. But through this process, it has become an incredibly rewarding relationship. We seemed like oil and water, but once we finally were able to get beneath our outer personality presentations, we actually have a good bit in common on a deeper level. It doesn’t mean it’s always roses, but there’s a lot of goodness I would have completely missed out on had I not participated in this process. Temperance may sound like a boring concept, but it can be hard work, and the outcome can be extraordinarily fulfilling.

X. The Wheel of Fortune

The Wheel
Efflorescent Tarot

Card Meaning

This is a card that speaks to cyclical changes that we do not control. The way that Jeanne Fiorini describes this card makes a lot of sense to me. She provides the example of the seasons as a type of change symbolized in the Wheel. She also uses the example of graduating high school. That is the end of a cycle, and we can’t go back. We have to move forward with a new plan, perhaps beginning a new cycle.

I also like the way she describes the change that comes from the Wheel as amoral — not good or bad. It just is. It is good to learn to not take all changes personally.

Our lives are filled with cycles. But it’s important to remember that some are in our control. If we find ourselves experiencing a pattern that affects us in negative ways, we can evaluate the circumstances under which this pattern occurs and, if possible, change the pattern or leave the pattern behind. These patterns may have felt Wheel-like, be we need to recognize those things that are indeed in our control.

The Wheel
Gypsy Palace Tarot

In either type of pattern — those in our control and those out of our control — we always have the power of adaptation. Will we adapt to these cyclical patterns in our lives, or be run over by the Wheel? If you stand still on a moving treadmill, you’ll land on your face pretty quickly. There are many things out of our control, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t active agents in our own lives. Sometimes it will be hard work and sometimes it will be fun.

I really like how both the Animal Wisdom Tarot and the Animism Tarot use a spider web to illustrate the Wheel. The threads of our lives are interconnected and our actions roll on beyond the present moment. We may not be the spider weaving the web, but we can admire the beautiful creation.

A shadow of the Wheel of Fortune is giving up all agency and leaving your life to “fate” or being trapped in a repetitive cycle you get no joy from. An opposite / reverse meaning is failing to recognize change or cycles or remaining motionless when movement is necessary.

The Wheel - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

Elemental Association

If I were to assign an element to the Wheel, it would be earth since it represents change outside of ourselves.

Personal Reflection

Right now, the biggest lesson I can take from the Wheel of Fortune is to not take everything so personally. Change happens, and even though I’m a part of the greater web, that doesn’t mean all changes around me are about me. This is one of several irrational beliefs I am working to overcome.

For a long time I was in a cycle that I thought was totally out of my control: the cycle of managing the ups and down of the emotions and relationships of my family of origin. I thought I had no choice but to fulfill the role. Finally, finally I realized I do control that cycle. In fact, I don’t even have to participate at all. So after a lot of practice, I am finally totally out of that pattern of what really amounted to abuse. I no longer take their emotional cycles personally. I am at peace that their instability has nothing to do with me. I can’t fix them or make them kind.

Depression, anxiety, and c-ptsd are cycles that I have less control over. I can work to have better control over my life, but I also have to roll with the punches. I will have depressive episodes and I will experience trauma triggers. These things will happen. I can learn ways to adapt, and sometimes I can head off an emotional breakdown if I see it coming soon enough, but many times I have to adapt and survive. Part of doing this is through embracing non-normative ways of being in the world. Not working a regular 40 hour a week job (which is absolutely a privilege, and one I am eternally grateful for), not having children, taking days at a time to lay on the couch so I don’t go over the edge. Allowing myself some not-quite traditional ways of being makes the world a better place and makes these mental health cycles easier to bear.

I love the seasons. Actually, I really don’t care for winter, but even winter can be beautiful. Watching the seasons blend one into the next is a wonder. I love my pets, even though I know their life cycle is shorter than my own. I love the part of my life cycle where I get to spend every day with my sweetheart. That’s a wonderful part of my Wheel 🙂

VI. The Lovers

Lovers
Efflorescent Tarot

Card Meaning

The Lovers can represent relationships, love, connection, and choice. In the Fool’s Journey, it can be representative of adolescence: the Magician and High Priestess are archetypes of “feminine” and “masculine” energies; the Empress and Emperor represent parents; and the Emperor and Hierophant represent larger social structures. From this perspective, the Lovers indicate a time of making choices based on one’s own desires, such as when a teenager begins to question the authority of those around them and to experience romantic / sexual feelings.

While the Lovers in the traditional RWS deck and here in the Efflorescent deck are presented as male and female, this doesn’t inherently have to be heteronormative in regards to the sexual/romantic element of the card. Male and female are used as archetypes, but really we each contain a mix of so-called “male” and “female” characteristics. The Lovers represent the “wholeness” that comes when we connect with others. The characteristics I have are complemented / completed by the characteristics of my sweetheart. This creation of wholeness is not limited to a romantic couple. Romantic partnerships come in many numbers and formations. The lovers represent connection in a broader sense as well, so our families and friends are essential relationships / connections. Together, we are more than pieces of archetypes; we come together to create a wholeness that does not exist when we are alone. Human are social creatures.

Lovers
Gypsy Palace Tarot

I said in my first exploration of the Lovers:

I like the way that Paul Quinn explains love and connection within this card. “Sifted down to its essence, the Lovers Trump is not only an exclusive representation of the union of sweethearts and sexual partners (eros), it embraces the deep connections between soul mates and friends (philia). And at the other, less personal, end of the spectrum, the Lovers encompasses the unconditional, universal love for all beings (agape)” (66).

He also frames the cards as union or integration between “head and heart, conscious and unconscious, light and dark” (65). This again speaks to a balance of duality within our own selves. Reason constrains, so alone it would not facilitate advancement on our spiritual journeys. Passions frees, but without direction who knows where we’d end up. Joined together reason and passion are powerful.

Lovers - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

I think the Animal Wisdom Tarot’s honeybee is a beautiful representation of not only partnership, but with a wider, universal connection / love. Bees work together for the good of the hive and are communally connected in ways that humans are not.

The shadow of this card could indicate codependency, possessiveness, and over-reliance on others. The opposite / reverse of the Lovers could be a lack of connection, unwillingness to connect to others through a lack of trust or fear of intimacy, or antagonism or lack of cooperation.

Elemental Association

If I were to assign an element the Lovers, it would be water and earth since they speak to a meaningful (emotional, water) connection with others (outside ourselves, earth). It could probably just as easily be fire and air when it speaks to the balance between passion and intellect. At this moment in time, the water/earth assignment speaks most to me, but that could change with time! So depending on the context of this card, really it could be any of the four elements.

Personal Reflection

For such a long time, I kept myself at an arm’s distance from others because getting any closer seemed like a guaranteed way to get hurt. And really, it still feels that way, but I can’t be so lonely anymore. I do crave connection, and I desire it enough to travel into “unsafe” territory to try and make those connections. By unsafe territory, I don’t mean actually dangerous situations: I am allowing myself to get closer to the people I already love, which feels “unsafe” because of my background. Sometimes I make good steps, and sometimes I retreat pretty quickly when I feel I may be rejected.

Within myself, I am certainly a combination of “masculine” and “feminine” traits. I can go back and forth between periods of intense activity and deep introspection. I am very reason-oriented, but I am also passionate. Those two overlap quite a bit. My sweetheart is more silly and mellow, and I’ve learned many good lessons from him.

New Moon Wellspring

MoonThis is the first of my New Moon Wellspring posts. I plan to write each new moon about the opportunities that lay before me. This will help me to be aware of these opportunities and to plan how I will take advantage of them rather than let them pass me by.

EARTH (PENTACLES)

  • I need to be more active! I have the time and the means to move my body: lift weights, do yoga, go for more walks, Sweat to the Oldies, hula hoop.

Action plan: I will work out at least 3 times per week.

  • I need to eat more! I’ve gotten out of the habit of making sure I eat three meals a day that aren’t some combination of ice cream, granola bars, cereal, or oatmeal.

Action plan: Create a weekly menu, including easy lunches.

FIRE (WANDS)

  • I have several unfinished craft projects and creative hobbies I’ve been neglecting. Sewing, crocheting, piano, writing.

Action plan: Pick one of these and work on it for at least an hour a week. (Baby steps!)

WATER (CUPS)

  • Tarot is a continuing opportunity to grow spiritually.

Action plan: Continue studying tarot daily, and keep practicing meditation (even if I’m not too good at it so far).

  • Emotionally, I have the opportunity to grow closer with my family of choice.

Action plan: Don’t clam up when I get nervous. Make a conscious effort to open up and share my thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Put myself out there.

AIR (SWORDS)

  • Finishing my class this semester is an opportunity to grow intellectually.

Action plan: Do a better job of reading every day so that I don’t have to rush through the books the day before class. Then I can enjoy them more and absorb more of the information.

III. The Empress

The Empress
Efflorescent Tarot

Card Meaning

The Empress represents sex, motherhood, and love. She represents passion. Where The High Priestess is intuition, The Empress is emotion. She is a nurturing and creative force, and can also represent Mother Nature.

The Empress represents an important point of growth on the Fool’s Journey. As the third card, 1 (The Magician) + 2 (The High Priestess) = 3, which can stand for synthesis or harmony between (active) creation and (inactive) intuition. Where The High Priestess occupied her inner being, The Empress experiences the world sensually through passion and emotion. Three is also the number of dimensions that humans experience in our comprehensible reality.

The Empress
Gypsy Palace Tarot

In the Efflorescent Tarot, The Empress’s crown is made up of five-point stars. In the traditional RWS card, the stars are six-pointed, symbolizing the combination of the symbols for air (The Magician) and water (The High Priestess). Her shield is painted with a human heart, her necklace holds the sign of Venus, and her dress is red: all symbols of passion. The water flowing beside her and pooling at her feet symbolizes change and stability as one: the river is always moving, but it is always the same river.

A shadow of The Empress would be failing or refusing to see necessary facts, being overindulgent, being overprotective, or caring for others at one’s own detriment. The opposite / reversal would be failing or refusing to surrender to passion or not providing sufficient care for the proverbial seeds one has planted (projects, relationships, goals).

The Empress - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

Elemental Association

If I were to assign an element to The Empress, it would be earth and fire. She enjoys earthly pleasures with passion and is a creative force.

Personal Reflection

So far, this is the toughest card for me to reflect on since I tend to have such a tight control over my passions. With an air-heavy personality, compared to The Empress she represents a lot of things that I am not, or that I have not let myself be. The Empress might say to me, “Feel, touch, create! Let your passions loose and see where they take you. Life is pleasure, nurture yourself.”

0. The Fool

I’ve decided to pause on the daily draws and to move through the deck systematically, beginning with the majors. I’m doing this for two reasons:

  • In the Alternative Tarot Course, I’m beginning to learn about the majors and would like to focus my attentions there.
  • I would like to get a better feel for the flow of each suit’s story. So once I finish the majors, I’ll go through each suit individually from Ace to King. That way, when I do draw a card in a reading I can understand it not only individually, but also within the context of its broader role in the tarot story.
The Fool
Efflorescent Tarot

So here at the very beginning is The Fool!

Card Meaning

Her satchel can represent several things. It could be her trust that she’ll find what she needs on her journey and so doesn’t need to bring much with her. It could also represent her experiences from past lives she brings with her into her new earthly journey. It could also be her experiences from this life; she just doesn’t let them weigh her down or control her.

The dog can represent her playful intuition leading her to various adventures. Our own “animal instinct.” She doesn’t overthink things and doesn’t worry about making backup plans. This doesn’t mean all of her plans work out, but she isn’t afraid to fall down and laugh at herself. However, sometimes her random adventures lead to incredible opportunities she would not have found had she been concertedly planning each of her steps. Beautiful relationships and experiences can be found when we aren’t actively seeking them out.

The Fool is innocent and childlike and sees potential in the wide world rather than fear and inhibition. She reminds us to live in the moment. The number zero is “nothing,” and the shape is wholeness. It’s hard to tell whether The Fool is wise or just silly, but maybe she’s both 🙂

The Fool
Gypsy Palace Tarot

Rachel Pollack’s Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom reminds me of my high school Shakespeare lesson: the fool in King Lear is able to speak the truth to the king when no one else can through his use of humor. She also provides a beautiful interpretation of The Fool, when portrayed “grotesquely” (such as, perhaps, Huszka’s Fool in the Gypsy Palace Tarot) as how she is seen by the outside world. The World, then, is the view of the same individual from the inside as seen by herself. What a lovely idea!

Of course the shadow of The Fool is immaturity, being gullible, and unnecessary risk. The opposite (or reverse) is being overly cautious and taking life too seriously.

Elemental Association

If I were to assign an element to The Fool, I think it would be earth. The Fool follows wherever her fancy strikes and isn’t burdened with thought or emotion. Her driving force is the pleasure of the world around her, which can be symbolized by the stick (or “wand) she slings over her shoulder to carry her bag. So perhaps earth and fire.

Personal Relation

My inner fool (or inner child) has been discouraged for a very long time. As a kid I was expected to be serious and adult-like. This has been hammered in to me for so long that it has become a part of me, even though it is a part of me I would very much like to shed. Or at least seriously tone down.

The Fool - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

Often in my life, others are allowed to be goofy or uninhibited without reproach. But when I forget myself and let go I’m frequently scolded. It makes being goofy come very rarely for me. When it does happen, it feels awfully nice, though it is short-lived.  I’d like to get to a place where my inner “fool” can come out and explore the world much more frequently before being scared back inside for another indefinite period of time.

As I’ve discussed before, I do hold myself and other to high standards. But what frustrates me about this situation is that I feel like others are holding me to a high standard they aren’t holding themselves or others around us to. Just me. While I may need to adjust my high expectations to have a more realistic view of others and myself, I feel like at least I’m consistent. I don’t like being singled out and held to a higher standard than others. Fair is fair, and that’s not fair. The Fool might respond to this situation by saying, “Who cares? Don’t adjust your behavior to conform to these scoldings. Let the silliness live on!”

The Four Elements Spread

Reading 2015, Oct 29
Animal Wisdom Tarot: (1) Nine of Feathers; (2) Seeker of Shells; (3) Seer of Shells; (4) Two of Feathers; (5) Seeker of Feathers

I’m doing the next reading in the Alternative Tarot Course. This is the Four Elements Spread 🙂

Position One: Center, My Situation at the Moment

Nine of Feathers (Nine of Swords)

This card can represent guilt, despondency, depression, self-pity, grief, or anxiety. My main books take two different views of this. One says that the Nine of Swords is a shadow of the Hermit: introspection gone too far. We are torturing ourselves with our thoughts. The other book says that this card represents situations that are largely out of our control.

9 of Feathers
Nine of Feathers, Animal Wisdom Tarot

I don’t read reversals and don’t plan to. I like to look at each card and take the light and the shadow into consideration based on the situation the reading speaks to. So my current situation as described by the Nine of Feathers is a shedding of this great anxiety and depression that I have been enveloped in for the last couple of weeks.

The booklet that accompanies the Animal Wisdom Tarot supports this idea. There is a very positive spin on this card. The crow helps us to find our inner light and to integrate the disparate parts of ourselves. The Nine of Feathers can speak to awakening and awareness.

I have been depressed and un-confident, but the last couple of days I have really been pulling it together. The commucation about the event that set off my trigger was extremely productive. I had been tortured both by my own mind and by the actions of another person, but this communication has been a healthy way to share awareness of where each of us is coming from. I’m waking from my depression and waking from some of the persistent negative thoughts that have been haunting me.

Seeker of Shells
Seeker of Shells, Animal Wisdom Tarot

Position Two: Bottom, Earth of the Situation

Seeker of Shells (Knight of Cups)

Knights represent air, and shells are water. This card can indicate spirituality, romance, dreams, self-sacrifice, serving others, forgiveness, charm, and sensitivity. This knight is altruistic and romantic, but her feelings are easily hurt.

A shadow for this knight could be discouragement, disillusionment, being not in touch with reality, or failing to express our feelings with another person.

I admit I struggle with the earth element because I so often live in my head, but I’m going to give this a go. So what might this air and water card have to do with my earth experience? This weekend is our fall party, and this celebration with food and decorations and movies is happening because I finally shared my feelings with BB, was able to get out of my head, make/repair/deepen an emotional connection, and let go of my sadness and anger. This mind/emotion work was necessary in order for this party to be able to happen successfully. I’m really looking forward to it 🙂

Additionally, now that this issue is resolved, I have fewer headaches and tummy aches and have been able to enjoy watching the World Series, going for walks, and cleaning my home. My physical world has been returned to me since my mental/emotional troubles have been resolved.

Seer of Shells
Seer of Shells, Animal Wisdom Tarot

Position Three: Left, Water of My Situation

Seer of Shells (Page of Cups)

Pages represent earth, and shells are water. This card can indicate dreams, sensitivity, tenderheartedness, immaturity, emotion, trust, goodness, loyalty, and imaginativeness. She is curious and enjoys discovering things in her unconscious. She is trusting and can go with the flow.

A shadow could be an inability to see when others are taking advantage of her since she is so trusting. Because of this, the shadow could be fear of connecting with people for worries about being hurt. In this way, she warns us to be careful of who we trust.

This card could relate to my water element in this situation by reminding me that even though I have trouble trusting people (shadow side of the card), I am beginning to do better at trusting in the goodness of others and not retreating so far when a relationship issue arises. And since this card is a combination of earth and water, it can show that I am approaching my emotions and emotional connection with others in a more grounded way.

2 of Feathers
Two of Feathers, Animal Wisdom Tarot

Position Four: Top, Air of My Situation

Two of Feathers (Two of Swords)

This card can represent a difficult decision and/or polarities like good and bad, light and dark. In the traditional RWS card, a woman sits blindfolded holding two swords crossed. Her blindfold can represent either an unwillingness to see the truth or a retreat into her inner being to seek truth.

This card can also represent holding two seemingly opposing ideas at the same time or seeking a compromise between two things. It can be a reminder to listen to “both sides of the story,” so to speak.

The shadow of this card could be indecision or procrastination in making a decision. Doubting one’s ability to make a good decision. It could also represent having to choose between two bad options or a stalemate.

This could represent the fact that it has not been an easy decision to let go of the hurt I felt and to move forward in solidarity and connection. I feel I made the right decision, but it wasn’t an easy one given the emotional trauma I have suffered. In this case, I went with mind over emotion, which my emotions will eventually benefit from since I am choosing love and connection over artificial safety and loneliness. This is also the holding of contradictory ideas at the same time: I am afraid and I choose connection anyway.

Seeker of Feathers
Seeker of Feathers, Animal Wisdom Tarot

Position Five: Right, Fire of My Situation

Seeker of Feathers (Knight of Swords)

Knights symbolize air, as do feathers.

This card has very clear light and shadow. She can be idealistic, rational, and intelligent. She will fiercely defend those who need defending. The Knight of Swords can also serve to stir us to action if we are being too timid or lacking commitment.

However, she can also be vengeful, argumentative, domineering, self-righteous, and aggressive. She may remind us to listen before acting.

Rather than allowing my thoughts to be filtered through fear and other negative emotions, I have taken a more rational approach with personal growth and interpersonal connection in mind. I am determined (fire) to create positive change in my life, and tarot has been an invaluable tool so far by helping me to both stand up and defend myself and by stopping to acknowledge the experience and feelings of others. And I am genuinely excited about where my life is going, particularly in my new approach to relationships.

Overall Reflection

This spread contained three swords and two knights. Very air heavy. While the last two weeks were painful, I have been able to wield my mind in a much more healthy and productive way than usual. Rather than obsessing and engaging in negative self-talk, I have been more rational and chosen a path that will, in the long run, lead to a happier me and a deeper connection with my loved ones. There will be difficult decisions along the way (Two of Feathers), and sometimes I will despair (Nine of Feathers), but I am actively working (Seeker of Feathers, Seeker of Shells) toward a life defined more by trust and ease (Page of Shells).