Reading: The Fortress

As I’ve talked about many times before, I identify strongly with the Nine of Wands and its defensive meaning. Tonight I decided to draw nine cards to represent the nine wands of my little defensive fortress. I don’t have any particular question in mind. I just thought I’d practice trying to see the spread as a whole. Baby steps. And I’m not in the mood tonight to look on the bright side or to think of how I can respond positively in this current situation. I’m holed up in my fortress, and that’s the way it is right now. Maybe these nine card can give me some insight or validation about my little fortress or how I end up here.

Reading 2016, Jan 13
Dreaming Way Tarot

Well, the first thing I noticed is the three fives. Struggle, conflict, and pain. The Two of Swords speaks to a difficult choice. The Eight of Cups is leaving something behind, while the Devil is being trapped. The Page of Swords is rational and assertive, but may be too quick to judge. The Knight of Cups is dreamy and romantic, and the Ten of Pentacles is about abundance and family. So, putting these all together …

Three of the cards that jump out as part of the same narrative to me are the Devil, the Two of Swords, and the Eight of Cups. A difficult decision is being pondered behind these fortress walls: Do I abandon something I’ve worked very hard at? And am I at risk for some kind of imprisonment either way? If I walk away, am I trapped by my own inability to stick it out, resulting in a Five of Pentacles (hurt) and/or Five of Swords (hollow “victory”) situation? Or if I stay, am I trapped by my emotional intensity (Knight of Cups) in being too invested in something I don’t get emotional returns on?

Part of me wants to Five of Wands the situation. Open up my gates and come out swinging. Sharing some characteristics with the Page of Swords, I could be effective at that particular approach, but is that the approach I want to take? And will that lead me to the abundance of life of the Ten of Pentacles?

The cards certainly reflect the conflict waging within myself and in my outer world. Not only conflict, though, but intense confusion and mixed emotions. The Knight of Cups and the Page of Swords don’t seem to see eye to eye about how to do things, and they’re both certainly fighting within me. I also, against my better judgment,Β hold out a wee bit of hope for wholeness and happiness (Ten of Pentacles). Do I stay, do I go? Do I love, do I fight? I do recognize that these things are not necessarily either/or. They’re still very uncomfortable to mix and balance. Too much of one and I damage myself. Too much of another, and I do unnecessary harm to someone else. What a mess!

I’m not sure how “well” I did at interpreting this, but this seems to have helped me to articulate some of my conflicting emotions about this situation. So I’ll call it a success! These cards all did really hit home, and when I put them in direct conversation with each other the conflict and confusion really seemed apparent to me.

And I’m certainly open to any help or suggestions as I awkwardly wiggle into the stage of trying to see the spread as a whole πŸ™‚

Reading: Feeling Icky

I’m feeling a bit icky right now, but I know this is about me. Since I recognize this feeling as about me and not this person, I decided to do a reading to remind myself of some of the things I love and/or admire about them. I pulled three cards to see what they might say.

Reading 2015, Dec 19 (2)
Ostara Tarot

Page of Cups

I admire their childlike personality. I try to let go and emulate this personality trait more often. Also, this person is more emotional than they let on, and being aware of this emotional quality make it easier to interact with them since I know there is more to this person than meets the eye.

Five of Wands

When their childlike outlook on life comes out more negatively as immaturity, usually through ignorance, I can be easily hurt. When conflict between us arises, this person steps upΒ and buckles down with me to resolve the situation. They are attentive and compassionate. They are very good at listening to and hearing what I am saying when I am upset and owning their piece of the conflict.

The Empress

At first glance, this card doesn’t seem to relate to this person. But when I thought about it for a bit, I think this person can be very nurturing. I can see this in the way they interact with certain people. Because this person doesn’t wear their emotions on their sleeve, this is not an openly advertised trait, but I see it and I admire it.

Daily: Eight of Wands

8 of Wands
Efflorescent Tarot

Today’s card is the Eight of Wands.

Initial Impressions:

Eight sharpened wands look like they’re coming down from the sky. A road leads to a town in the distance on a hill or mountain. A cloud “mountain” towers over the town. It feels somewhat aggressive or ominous. While there are green leaves on the sharpened wands, the landscape is all gray.

Huszka’s Eight of Wands looks quite different. A woman in a yellow dress appears to float midair while smiling. A blue person covered in stars holds one of the floating woman’s legs. A blue wolf or dog and a green, blindfolded head are behind the floating woman. Green branches seem to come out of the green head’s mouth. A small ladder sits on the foot of the blue starry person. There might be a road and some buildings in the center of the card. I have no idea what it all means! But it seems much less ominous than the Efflorescent Tarot card.

The jaguar and the black mamba snake repeat the ominous feeling, the snake more so than the jaguar. Perhaps this card could be about impending danger?

8 of Wands
Gypsy Palace Tarot

Reflection After Research

This card is about action. Maybe I would have guessed closer to this if I’d remembered to take the suit into consideration πŸ™‚

A project or relationship may be reaching some sort of conclusion. Benebell Wen’sΒ Holistic Tarot says, “Air meets Fire here” (140). Thoughts materialize into physical action. Paul Quinn’sΒ Tarot for Life says that even though there is rapid action, it is ordered, as symbolized by the neatly spaced wands shooting in the same direction together. Unlike the Five of Wands, where they are all held by separate people and come together in chaos and conflict.

8 of Wands - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

Jaguar says to think before pouncing and to trust our power while Black Mamba says it’s time to act now, no time for thinking. Both may be able to encompass the concept of decisiveness. We also need to make sure that our action is directional, like the wands in the card. If we are aimless, we may regret our action.

Today, the Eight of Wands might say to me, “You’ve been thinking about communicating your feelings to this person for some time. Now is the time to do so.”

Part of the reason I think this is what the Eight of Wands might be saying is that before drawing the Eight of Wands, I drew first The Lovers and then the Three of Cups. Since I’ve examined both of them so recently, I kept drawing until I reached a new card — the Eight of Wands.

Drawn Cards
Efflorescent Tarot

The Lovers speak of connection, and the Three of Cups speaks to family and joy. I am still really, really struggling with what happened two weekends ago. I haven’t been sure whether to discuss this with the one particular person I am upset with or to try and process and “get over it” on my own. I’ve tried for over a week now to come to peace with it by myself, but this isn’t working. I’ve thought on my own, and I’ve thought about communicating. Maybe this impromptu reading says, “Yes, it’s time for communication. It’s time to take action. Passivity is not fixing the situation. Foster the connection, get back to joy.”

Daily: Five of Wands

5 of Wands
Five of Wands, Efflorescent Tarot

Today I drew the Five of Wands.

Since this is a new card for me, I’ll reflect first without looking up the meanings, and then again after researching.

Personal Reflection

Five hands hold up the five wands. I’m thinking perhaps it has something to do with conflict since they aren’t all raised in an organized fashion which might have indicated more solidarity. The yellow grass and yellow sky don’t seem too friendly.

Reflection After Research

The card could represent in-fighting either within a group of people or within myself. A keyword that stood out to me was “dissonance.” I’m certainly feeling internally conflicted lately. At the same time, Anthony Louis inΒ Tarot: Plain and Simple states, “Avoid passivity at this time. Success will come as a result of your assertive efforts to overcome nuisances and obstacles” (175). It is so, so easy for me when I am in these depressive states to withdraw and give up. So while this card may speak to my internal strife, it may speak even more so to the part of me that wants to give in to depression. Paul Quinn inΒ Tarot for Life: Reading the Cards for Everyday Guidance and Growth says, “As abrasive as the rubbing of sticks may be, with the right conditions light may come of it” (155). I love this line. Things might suck right now, and the work is hard and painful, but something warm and comforting might grow out of this.

5 of Wands - animals
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

From my animal decks:Β 

Scorpion:Β Conflict can consume us, but we can choose to turn this energy into a drive forward rather than letting it consume us.

Wild Boar:Β Take control of your fears, take action, and defeat them.