Full Moon Reflection: 23 Mar 2016

At this full moon, I decided to try a spread from New Age Hipster. I used the Animal Totem Tarot and the Mirrors of the Heart oracle deck.

Position One: What’s going on in my life right now

March 23 - 1

King of Cups, Gentleness

The King of Cups has great control over the watery element of emotions. I am barely hanging on to control, but I suppose the key is that I haven’t let my emotions overtake me. There are many changes happening right now in my life. My business plans are moving along, Mr. Donkey just got a new job, we’ll be moving, and I’m having trouble with a particular relationship. While most of these are good things, I still don’t handle change super well. So it’s good that I’m still tenuously in control of my emotions. I have to be gentle with myself when I stumble and gentle with myself by allowing myself to feel some of the intense emotions that are headed my way. They aren’t inherently bad. Just observe, feel, and don’t lose control.

Position Two: What to release, it no longer serves me

March 23 - 2

The Hermit, Movement

At first these cards seems to be contradictory. But in the position, perhaps I need to let go of the expectation that others will go within themselves, reflect on certain issues, and take action based on their introspection. As much as I would love this, I certainly can’t make it happen. And if I expect it I’ll be disappointed quite regularly. It’s a hard thing to release, though, because I just don’t think it’s asking a lot for people to think before they act when their actions are potentially harmful or damaging. Having this expectation brings a lot of pain.

Position Three: Lessons

March 23 - 3

Page of Cups, Awakening

I’m not even sure yet. I feel like I’m in the middle of many lessons right now, but I’ve not yet quite “learned” them. Time will tell. Pages are the youngest  and least developed of the court cards, and the Awakening card depicts little fetuses in the earth. I’m still in the beginning stages of many lessons during this crazy transitional time in my life. So who knows? Like the seal, I just need to go with the flow and have as much fun as I can along the way.

Position Four: Blessings

March 23 - 4

Two of Wands, Peace

It’s been a blessing to start taking some big steps in my business plans. I’m finalizing a logo at the moment, and when we move I’ll be creating a brand new work space. I have many choices ahead, and being able to create these plans is a blessing in itself. I’m much more at peace beginning this work than have been at other work. This work will allow me to care for myself and to create a peaceful environment in ways I could not with a more “traditional” job. A privilege and a blessing indeed.

Position Five: What my heart wants

March 23 - 5

Nine of Pentacles, Sanctuary

Sanctuary! It’s been a really rough go for a while. My soul aches some days. I wish for peace and contentedness. A nice slow pace of life and quiet place to seek peace. I want sanctuary from heartache. But I don’t want to isolate myself.

Position Six: Big step to take to reach my dream

March 23 - 6

Ten of Cups, Voice

Speak up in my family of choice. If I show up without my voice, I’ll never feel like myself — which means I’ll never feel like I really belong. Show up, speak up.

Position Seven: What to focus on next

March 23 - 7

Two of Pentacles, Stillness

One thing at a time without overburdening myself or over- or under-focusing on any one area. Make small goals, all the while maintaining an inner sense of quiet stillness. One day that might be to pack several boxes. Another day that could be to revise my code of ethics, to walk in nature, or to read and journal. Focus is needed during this time, but I need to focus on only focusing on one thing  at a time. Focus on not getting overwhelmed.

Reading: The Sunrise

I can see the light! My heart aches much less today. Someone has helped to begin the healing process.

I decided to do a tarot spread to celebrate and process this breakthrough, and I’m calling it the Sunrise.

Reading 2016, Jan 6
Ostara Tarot

Position One: What has come to light

Page of Cups

A fresh emotional perspective. A new beginning. Earth of water: a grounded perspective on emotions. Everything is out on the table, and a new journey together is beginning.

Position Two: What to remember about myself

The Empress

At heart I am a loving nurturer. This doesn’t mean that I have to tolerate being treated badly, but on this new journey I can really thrive and lend my knowledge and skills to the process of growing and renewing. I feel much happier in this role rather than feeling sad and defeated. I can shine now that the sun has risen with the Page of Cups.

I love that this depiction of the Empress has a bird’s nest in her hair. I watched an amazing show on PBS about bird nests and how incredibly intricate they are — truly skilled pieces of construction. Nurturing is not easy work. It is hard work that takes time, dedication, and great skill. I want to build this new nest for a fresh start.

Position Three: What to remember about the other person

King of Cups

They are emotionally invested, but they are working on mastering expression of emotion in healthy ways. Things should be different now, but if they stumble I should remember that they are as emotionally invested as I am. If this happens, I can be firm but loving to direct them back on track.

Position Four: What is possible

Six of Pentacles

A respectful and fair balance. A mutually beneficial give and take. I particularly love the Animal Wisdom Tarot’s description of this card as relating to community and providing for everyone and taking only what one needs. Loving, caring community is possible.

On a side note, this seems to be the card stalking me at the moment.

Position Five: What is the earth/foundation we are standing on

Eight of Swords

The previous foundation was a lack of productive communication. Two minds out of sync, trapped in isolation from each other. Through some intense honesty, the blindfolds have been removed and the new foundation is one of shared knowledge and goals, and mutual understanding. The previous foundation was a recipe for disaster. Now that the foundation has been repaired, hopefully we can build a lovely (and loving) house.

Evening Read: 4 Jan 2016

Reading 2016, Jan 4
Ostara Tarot

Position One: What did I excel at or learn today?

King of Cups

I’m still in pain, but I think I have handled the situation well. I have communicated my feelings clearly, and I have also made sure to continue connecting with my sweetheart in meaningful ways even though I’m feeling so bad. We’ve spent some quality time together, and this has helped me to stay buoyed.

Position Two: How can I strive to be my best tomorrow?

Nine of Wands

This seems very fitting. As I’ve described before, I identify very strongly with this card as symbolic of defensiveness and perhaps not being quite as strong as I am seem or try to be. Perhaps this card is saying, “You are in so much pain right now, and you’ve sent your walls shooting right back up. That’s understandable. Just be a teeny bit open. Send down a tin can telephone or accept messenger pigeons. Don’t totally lock yourself away.”

I almost didn’t do a reading tonight, but I’m glad I did. I would be lying if I said a human hasn’t already told me the same thing the Nine of Wands did, but it’s easier to accept messages from tarot sometimes. Because it really is coming from deep inside myself, and I don’t feel like I’m following advice for anyone else. These conversations with myself and these beautiful cards has been such a blessing in my life.

Reading: Grief

Reading 2015, Dec 6 (2)
Gypsy Palace Tarot

Tonight I am struggling with some grief over past events. Just the kind of thing that occasionally bubbles to the surface, and even though it’s in the past and things are far different now, it just makes me really sad and I have to have a good cry over it.

I tend to pick stones out to reflect what I need help with or how I’m feeling. Today I laid out turritella agate (self-confidence, letting go of bitterness), bloodstone (healing), and dalmation jasper (strengthening family ties).

Then I asked, “How can move through this grief?”

Knight of Wands

A reverse meaning of this knight is an inability to move forward. Here this knight may be saying to me, “Go ahead, have your cry. That’s fine. But then we’ve got to get back on the horse. There is so much to do!” I feel like this card indicates that there’s not necessarily shame in stopping to grieve, but that that can’t be the end of my road. Look to the future, scope out exciting things to do. (Like watch X-Files with my sweetheart and eat popcorn … just as soon as I’m done processing with this reading.)

The Sun

Maintain clarity. It is easy to feel grief at the past actions of others. Don’t lose sight of where I am here and now in relation to these people. Things are better. So even though the past may rear up and open old wounds, don’t shut my eyes to the good that has eventually arisen from all that pain. Be confident in my ability to keep my eyes on the bright horizon as I go through this tough patch. Also, seek out the people and things that renew and support me. As the sun gives life on the planet, I should seek out that which gives me life.

King of Cups

Rachel Pollack in The New Tarot Handbook provides a reversed meaning of this King as: “Anger or tears may reveal long-hidden feelings.” I wouldn’t say these are long-hidden, but apparently they’ve been bubbling enough to spill over. Experience this cathartic release, and then get back to the upright meaning of the King of Cups: creativity through love. Being compassionate and trustworthy, and growing emotionally through this grief.

Overall Reflection

All of these cards seem to be saying, to some degree: “Feel it, let it out, and then get back to the good life. You don’t have to suppress it, but don’t linger in grief longer than you need to in order to release it.”

Reading: Death

Reading 2015, Nov 23
Gypsy Palace Tarot, A Reading for Death, based on the White Rose (designed by Paula C. Scardamalia) from Rachel Pollack’s The New Tarot Handbook

Position One: What has already died?

Six of Pentacles

I’m learning this card is much more nuanced and complex than I first thought (that’s starting to happen a lot lately as I get a better grasp of tarot). While Huszka’s depiction does not show the merchant and beggar of the RWS Six of Pentacles, the merchant and beggar symbols are both important in this position for me. I have given up on being so rigid I will not ask for help. Like the beggars, I am not too proud to ask for what I need. However, as a shadow, I do at times feel like I’m begging. I’m in the midst of the mystery of this death of pride where I’m not yet comfortable in a position of expressing need.

Huszka’s depiction seems very optimistic, perhaps pointing to the good that will come as I complete this passage in my life.

Position Two: What killed it?

Ten of Wands

I couldn’t carry my load alone anymore! I like the symbolism in the RSW depiction, but I really like Huszka’s vision of this card. I’ve pushed so many rocks on my path that I became trapped. They all piled up and I couldn’t move forward. I became completely overwhelmed, and now I’m having to say, “Yes, I do need help. Will you please help me out of this situation?”

Position Three: What needs to die?

King of Cups

While I am able to ask for help, I still keep a pretty good poker face about it all. Rachel Pollack in The New Tarot Handbook says, “The King of Cups may indicate someone with deep levels of feeling who does not show this side to others lest it rise up and flood him” (233). While it’s good to have boundaries, a perpetual refusal to allow people to see my emotions is not a good way for building deep loving and trusting relationships. This fear of vulnerability needs to die.

Position Four: What will release it?

Five of Cups

The traditional RWS depiction is a figure cloaked in black looking at three spilled cups while two upright cups stand behind them. This speaks to grief and loss as well as the hope that remains. I also like Huszka’s interpretation: without sufficient rest or love or trust, our fears can grow and overtake us, making it difficult to see the good. Using both of these depictions, I can say that release from my fear of vulnerability will come from turning around and picking up the two upright cups in the RWS version and in surrendering to the rejuvenating love that is being offered. Both require an act of will. I have to make that choice.

Position Five: What is buried?

Two of Wands

This is a tough card for me to interpret in this position. The Two of Wands can speak to a motivation for change, but an uncertainty about staying put (security) or moving forward (adventure). I have the spark, but what is buried is the confidence to throw myself into the adventure. I peek my head out the door, but I haven’t made a run for it yet. But as Huszka’s depiction of this card shows, stagnation can lead to rot.

Position Six: What can be born?

The Hanged Man

A higher level of peace and acceptance with vulnerability. That word, vulnerability, is what I always think of when I see Huszka’s Hanged Man. And yet she does not look sad or distraught or afraid or uncomfortable. She returns my gaze without shame.