Lost In A Depression Hole

Oh goodness. It’s been real dark and gloomy over here in my head. I’ve let myself fall off the wagon of daily routines which help me keep my sanity. Like tarot! I even missed my Monday Meditation this week. Not good!

So I pulled out the deck I’m getting to know this month (Golden Tarot) and asked “How can I get back on the wagon?” I know this won’t make things better or sweep away the gloom, but I just need to get up and get back to my daily things: tarot, exercise, cooking. Things like that. Without those I’m kind of a sad lump.

3 - Reading
Golden Tarot (in not-so-great lighting since it’s night!)

Page of Cups, Queen of Swords, Two of Cups

Child-like wonder, self-discipline, self-love.

Nice and clear today!

When I’m doing them, I really enjoy daily tarot practice, cooking, and general self-care. Think about it as fun, because it is! Don’t mope around. Say, “Donkey, get up! Go do a spread, go try a new recipe, go for a walk!” And then do it. And remember I’m worth this fun and this care. These are good things and enjoyable things I’ve let slip from my daily routine.

Well, maybe not let exactly. Depression is tricky like that. But I’ve fallen into a rut, I’m recognizing it, and it’s time to crawl out. And it’s okay to start small as long as I’m starting.

2016: Wishes & Shadow

I decided tonight to do a New Year’s spread. I drew three cards for “wishes” for the new year, and I drew the shadow card to be realistic about what might be challenging in the year ahead.

Reading 2015, Dec 31
Prisma Visions Tarot

Wishes

Queen of Swords, Queen of Chalices, Six of Swords

I think the Queen of Swords and the Queen of Chalices speak to my wish for a better balance and synthesis between my logical, thinking mind and my emotional self. I wish to, like the Queens, master these elements within myself and use them for positive self growth. The Six of Swords is a wish for this journey to be smooth. A wish to continue moving on toward better lands and leaving unpleasant ways of being and understanding behind. The Queens indicate the strength I’ll need to make this journey and to seek out new lands which are unknown (and therefore kind of scary!). My overwhelming wish for this upcoming year is strong, definite personal growth. A more balanced and happy self that looks forward to good and doesn’t feel trapped in my mind or drowned in my emotions.

In my Messages for 2016 spread, I drew three Queens. Two more Queens here. I’m getting the message loud and clear that 2016 will be about internal mastery and change.

Shadow

Four of Wands

I did this same spread for my sweetheart before doing my own. And guess what his shadow card was? The Four of Wands. We are currently sharing a struggle and tryingΒ to reset the four posts of familial bliss and easy happiness that the Four of Wands represents. This is no easy task, and it is castingΒ a large shadow indeed over the coming new year. Hopefully thisΒ shadow doesn’t loomΒ too far into the year.

Many blessings to everyone in 2016! See you next year πŸ˜‰

Daily: Queen of Swords

Queen of Swords (2)
Efflorescent Tarot

Today’s card is the Queen of Swords.

I hadn’t yet gotten around to posting about her and how much I relate to her, so I’m glad she’s popped up as my daily card πŸ™‚

I really, really love the Efflorescent Tarot depiction of this queen. I think her posture and expression really communicate both the strength and the wounded past embodied in the Queen of Swords. Before I knew anything about this card, I was taken with it when I was looking through this deck for the first time. I had to stop and admire it for a while before continuing to look through the rest of the deck. I can absolutely see myself in the Efflorescent depiction.

Huska’s Gypsy Palace Tarot depiction is what I’m afraid people will see me as: haughty or smug, and if you get too close you’ll be burned by all that fire.

Queen of Swords
Gypsy Palace Tarot

The Queen of Swords has known sorrow and hurt and, using her intelligence, has learned strength and grown through these experiences. She doesn’t like others to see her weaknesses, so she may come across as more stern or strong than she really is. This can also lead her to be intensely independent and difficult to get to know. Rather than seeing this as a result of vulnerability, others may perceive her as intimidating or unfriendly. She is intelligent and values clarity and truth in communication, but she can be overly sharp in her communications. She is authoritative.Β A wonderful quote I read in Beth Maiden’s Alternative Tarot Course says:

“You don’t always have to chop with the sword of truth. You can point with it too.” –Β Ann Lammot, Bird by Bird

The “sword of truth” doesn’t only cut others, but the Queen can cut herself with it as well. An overly intellectual approach to the world can cut joy and pleasure out of life and can constrain free movement in the other elemental realms. While she can be witty and insightful and uphold high standards, she can also be perfectionistic and overly critical with both herself and others.

Queen of Swords
Animal Wisdom Tarot, Animism Tarot

I love the Animal Wisdom Tarot descriptions. They always highlight the “light” of the card, even when it seems the shadow can be awfully large. It reminds me that the Queens’ element is water. So while this could certainly speak to her sorrowful past, it can also speak to her ability to temper her sharp air elements with compassion and love and to allow her intelligence to channel through intuition rather than always through conscious thought.

I don’t know if there is any aspect of the Queen of Swords that I can’t relate to. I am:

  • smart, but often overly intellectual
  • a great communicator, but sometimes harsh
  • strong, especially as a result of growing from my painful past
  • hard to get to know, I have tall walls built up around me and am often perceived as intimidating
  • dedicated to high standards for myself and others, which is a double-edged sword

And through all of these things, I am acutely aware of the light and shadow present in each personality trait. Many days, I feel more like the shadow-side of the Queen of Swords, but each day I work toward the strong, stately, honest but kind, insightful, and secure Queen of Swords. And some days I feel like her πŸ™‚

If the Queen of Swords could say something to me today or any day, she wouldΒ say, “Don’t take things so seriously. You can be mentally strong and emotionally soft. Be more compassionate with yourself and with others. Trust your strength.”