At this new moon, what opportunities are available to me?
The World, Temperance, Seven of Wands, Knight of Pentacles
Wholeness and balance are available for me to strive for, but it doesn’t mean they’re some low-hanging fruit I can just nab and enjoy. To begin with, I have to decide what “wholeness” and “balance” mean to me exactly. What type of wholeness and balance I will strive for. Then I have some tricky terrain ahead of me where I will have to try my best to remain true to myself and to be persistent. I will have to try and walk the line between my head and my heart, which right now is a confusing thing indeed. This new moon reading really reflects the simultaneous possibility and conflict I feel. The Knight of Pentacles in this deck isn’t even wearing shoes! I feel like that now. Dressed for battle, but not actually prepared for what’s coming my way.
While this new moon reading hasn’t cleared much up for me, it has validated my feelings about my situation. Full of potential but not at all easy.
I received Barbara Moore’s Tarot Spreads: Layouts & Techniques to Empower Your Readings for Christmas. Today I decided to try her “Through the Shadows Spread” to further explore my current heartache.
Position One: My truth
I do understand that my current heartache is temporary. I was thinking just earlier today that time is the only thing that will really sooth the sharp pain I feel right now, but that at the moment I have to experience this. There’s no getting around it. So I do believe that better things will come, but it’s like I’m outside without my glasses on. All of the stars are blurred and practically invisible. I can’t imagine what this better future would be. I’m mired in pain at the moment with no clear Star perspective other than the not quite helpful adage of “this too shall pass.”
Position Two: My deepest inner fear
Four of Chalices
While usually I lean more toward the more upbeat interpretation of this card, that is not so in this position. I’m afraid I’m doomed to sit under this tree having my cups kicked over by inconsiderate passers by. I’m trying to be strong and content, but every time I fill up a few cups and start to feel stable (the number four), something happens. Perhaps I’m minding my own business and someone kicks my cups down. Or perhaps I invite someone under my tree to proudly show them my cups and they are indifferent or dismissive. It’s a lonely place to be, and sometimes I feel like I am doomed to relive this over and over. This deck’s depiction of the Four of Chalices reflects this feeling very strongly for me.
Position Three: Familiar, external fear, distraction, or illusion
Ace of Swords
I often fear that I’m being unreasonable or overly harsh in wielding my sword-element powers. In this situation, this has crossed my mind from time to time, but honestly I believe I have been wronged and that I am not being unreasonable to feel this way.
Position Four: Unknown, external fear, distraction, or illusion
Nine of Chalices
Satisfaction and happiness with life are things that I have sneaked awfully close to but which remain unknown to me as constants. Or constant enough for me to trust in them as something I deserve or will have again. It feels like an illusion that is too good to be true, and it is something I fear I won’t be able to have.
For all three fear positions, it seems appropriate that they’re chalices and a sword. My thoughts and emotions can get so twisted up and confused that I feel horribly lost and frightened.
Positions Five & Six: Lighting my path
Two of Pentacles, Seven of Wands
Life has its ups and downs, and I can create my own steady rhythm including when to let some balls drop. If I keep this in mind I may feel more in control and less lost. I may be in a very challenging time right now, but I must trust myself to get through. I must not doubt my strength or my value. I find the depiction of the Seven of Wands in this deck particularly beautiful.
Position Seven: Nature of my path
Ah, my friend Strength. As difficult as this path is, the nature of this path is self-confidence and self-trust. Believing I am strong and valuable and not wavering on these points. Without holding to these beliefs, I will surely collapse on this path. It would be too unbearable to find some healthy way out of this situation and I’d be gobbled up by depression and sorrow and make a mess of my life over someone who clearly doesn’t value me as much.
And Strength isn’t always inherently from oneself alone. I can draw strength and encouragement from my sweetheart as I trudge down this painful trail.
I am strong at taking quiet time to retreat from the world and allow inner contemplation and exploration of my unconscious.
Position Two: How am I weak?
Three of Pentacles
I am weak at allowing others to join me and help me on my journey. I can often be too fiercely independent.
Position Three: When do I need to be strong?
Queen of Pentacles
This card keeps coming to me in positions of encouragement! I need to be strong in being a part of and taking pleasure in the world around me. Balance my High Priestess strength with the Queen of Pentacles.
Position Four: When do I need to be weak?
Seven of Wands
I need to be weak at being defensive. My defense mechanisms are often impressively overactive. Like the little hedgehogs in this depiction, I see a large and scary shadow coming my way, and my spikes go right up. But maybe the shadow is deceiving.
Position Five: What strengthens me?
Six of Swords
I am strengthened by the journey I am on away from the person I used to be and toward a healthier and happier me. As I reach different milestones, they give me the strength to keep going and remind me that change is possible. “Old” me will always be a part of me, but I can bandage her wounds, feel compassion for her, and bring her along on the journey.
Position Six: What weakens me?
This is the first time I’ve ever encountered the Star. I think perhaps what would fit here is the shadow of the Star: sometimes I can become disheartened and upset when my ideal outcome doesn’t occur. Of course, this is pretty often because such is life. This idealism weakens me by making it difficult to go with the flow. Or a reverse meaning: pessimism. When my depression starts to get the upper hand it’s awfully hard to see the stars shining.