Full Moon Reflection: 23 Mar 2016

At this full moon, I decided to try a spread from New Age Hipster. I used the Animal Totem Tarot and the Mirrors of the Heart oracle deck.

Position One: What’s going on in my life right now

March 23 - 1

King of Cups, Gentleness

The King of Cups has great control over the watery element of emotions. I am barely hanging on to control, but I suppose the key is that I haven’t let my emotions overtake me. There are many changes happening right now in my life. My business plans are moving along, Mr. Donkey just got a new job, we’ll be moving, and I’m having trouble with a particular relationship. While most of these are good things, I still don’t handle change super well. So it’s good that I’m still tenuously in control of my emotions. I have to be gentle with myself when I stumble and gentle with myself by allowing myself to feel some of the intense emotions that are headed my way. They aren’t inherently bad. Just observe, feel, and don’t lose control.

Position Two: What to release, it no longer serves me

March 23 - 2

The Hermit, Movement

At first these cards seems to be contradictory. But in the position, perhaps I need to let go of the expectation that others will go within themselves, reflect on certain issues, and take action based on their introspection. As much as I would love this, I certainly can’t make it happen. And if I expect it I’ll be disappointed quite regularly. It’s a hard thing to release, though, because I just don’t think it’s asking a lot for people to think before they act when their actions are potentially harmful or damaging. Having this expectation brings a lot of pain.

Position Three: Lessons

March 23 - 3

Page of Cups, Awakening

I’m not even sure yet. I feel like I’m in the middle of many lessons right now, but I’ve not yet quite “learned” them. Time will tell. Pages are the youngest  and least developed of the court cards, and the Awakening card depicts little fetuses in the earth. I’m still in the beginning stages of many lessons during this crazy transitional time in my life. So who knows? Like the seal, I just need to go with the flow and have as much fun as I can along the way.

Position Four: Blessings

March 23 - 4

Two of Wands, Peace

It’s been a blessing to start taking some big steps in my business plans. I’m finalizing a logo at the moment, and when we move I’ll be creating a brand new work space. I have many choices ahead, and being able to create these plans is a blessing in itself. I’m much more at peace beginning this work than have been at other work. This work will allow me to care for myself and to create a peaceful environment in ways I could not with a more “traditional” job. A privilege and a blessing indeed.

Position Five: What my heart wants

March 23 - 5

Nine of Pentacles, Sanctuary

Sanctuary! It’s been a really rough go for a while. My soul aches some days. I wish for peace and contentedness. A nice slow pace of life and quiet place to seek peace. I want sanctuary from heartache. But I don’t want to isolate myself.

Position Six: Big step to take to reach my dream

March 23 - 6

Ten of Cups, Voice

Speak up in my family of choice. If I show up without my voice, I’ll never feel like myself — which means I’ll never feel like I really belong. Show up, speak up.

Position Seven: What to focus on next

March 23 - 7

Two of Pentacles, Stillness

One thing at a time without overburdening myself or over- or under-focusing on any one area. Make small goals, all the while maintaining an inner sense of quiet stillness. One day that might be to pack several boxes. Another day that could be to revise my code of ethics, to walk in nature, or to read and journal. Focus is needed during this time, but I need to focus on only focusing on one thing  at a time. Focus on not getting overwhelmed.

Evening Read: 11 Jan 2016

Reading 2016, Jan 11
Dreaming Way Tarot

Position One: What did I excel at or learn today?

Six of Cups

Today I learned (again) how much my past experiences have a hold on me. It’s not a nice thing, but it’s a good thing to know. The more I know and acknowledge it, the more I can chip away at it and build new ways of understanding and being in the world. Mostly it’s trust issues, so this is much easier said than done. But it’s important I know so I have a chance to try and change things.

Position Two: How can I strive to be my best tomorrow?

Ten of Cups

Tomorrow I can take steps (or a single step) toward familial harmony. This doesn’t have to be anything extreme or grand. Just a baby step or an openness to healing and togetherness. Even just within my own head would be a good step in the right direction. Pondering the issue at hand and brainstorming ways to grow through this experience. Or just being open to a positive healing process even if I don’t yet know what that will look like. It is emotional work, and I can’t expect my logical (sword-y) mind to be able to think my way out of it. Feel it.

In the Six of Cups, the image of the young boy handing the girl a cup full of flowers speaks loudly to me right now. Be receptive to the flowers that are offered to me.

Reading: The Sun

Reading 2015, Dec 4
Animism Tarot, A Reading for the Sun from Rachel Pollack’s The New Tarot Handbook

This reading seems to call for a particular situation, so I’ll just keep in mind my general life transition right now for this reading.

Position One: What is clear about an issue or a situation?

Ten of Pentacles

I have security, my worldly needs are met. This security is a major reason I am able to make this transition. I’ve been able to stop working (mostly, I still teach online) and can dedicate a lot of time to my mental health, which includes practicing tarot.

This card can also symbolize family. I am feeling much more like a “real” member of my chosen family. A greater sense of solidarity helps to support me.

Position Two: What is clouded over?

Ten of Swords

I acknowledge that my fears of betrayal are exaggerated. However, they do indeed still exist. I haven’t been able to banish them. These fears cloud over my ability to truly relax into the feeling of familial solidarity suggested in the Ten of Pentacles.

Position Three: What helps me see clearly?

Ace of Cups

Consciously fostering a new emotional outlook. Joanna says, “This is the potential of creating something magical.” I sure hope so! The more I can grow this Ace of Cups seed, the smaller I hope my Ten of Swords fears will become.

Position Four: What confuses me?

Ten of Cups

This card symbolizes happiness and love and connection and family. Where the Ten of Pentacles represents perhaps a more structured sense of family, the Ten of Cups is more about joy in only each other’s company. Which is a lovely idea! And one I don’t totally understand. Since I am by far the latest joiner to this chosen family of mine, it seems very Ten of Cups and I don’t know what the rules are. They aren’t clear to me. And I do well with structure and rules. Everyone is accepted for who they are, but I don’t understand how respect is enforced, and respect is a big issue for me. (I’ve been in this family for literally years, but it’s just so different than my understanding of the world it is taking a long time to really settle in.)

Position Five: How can I simplify this issue or situation?

Knight of Wands

Conviction, passion, courage, and focus. Adventure! Perhaps I can simplify this transition by framing it as an adventure. There are unknowns and there may be bumps, but all adventures have each of those. So I should approach this adventure with excitement and deal with the bumps along the way rather than focusing all of my the time on what might go wrong or what I’m not sure of.

The Animal Wisdom Tarot says that this card teaches both pacing and stamina, both of which are good to keep in mind on this adventure.

Overall Reflection

Holy tens, Batman! Plus the Ace makes for a big message about beginnings and endings. This is indeed a major transition, and I feel like I’m on the cusp. I can look behind me and see someone totally different. I can look ahead and know that big things are coming, even if I’m not sure what they look like. And the Knight says, “You’ve got this! Stay brave and excited!”

Reading: Temperance

Reading 2015, Nov 24
Animal Wisdom Tarot, A Reading for Temperance from Rachel Pollack’s The New Tarot Handbook

This reading is about a choice or situation with extreme contradictions. I will keep in mind my internal conflict between people pleasing and intolerance for what I consider unacceptable behavior.

Position One: Current Situation

Falcon, Seeker of Feathers (Knight of Swords)

Air of air, the Knight of Swords can represent battle. I definitely have an internal battle being fought in a very air-like way (logic, thoughts). I think this card in this position is representative of this internal battle rather than me rushing forward, because I keep wavering back and forth, which is not a courageous run forward.

Position Two: Alternative

Bat, Master of Suspension (The Hanged Man)

Funnily enough, I think this card is an indication that the time for contemplation is over. At least until I reach a new place worth contemplating. It’s time to have my world turned upside down, to surrender control and see what happens. I have thought so much, but the remaining question is how others will react to me when I stop being so quiet and passive. And their reaction is something I cannot control. So surrender and jump into this new world. Then I can ponder where I’ve found myself.

Position Three: Possible Middle Way

Gorilla, Six of Fossils (Six of Pentacles)

I particularly love the Animal Wisdom Tarot interpretation of this card: “Six of Fossils highlights the harmony of exchange. Gorilla advises balance, to share freely and take just what you need. Release judgments of pride or shame; learn to give and receive” (73).

This could imply a more conscious back and forth. I may need to recognize when an olive branch or gift is being extended my way, even if it isn’t being presented in the way I might want or expect it to. And I can communicate what I need. I don’t have to only change my behavior and then fearfully wait for a reaction or response. This doesn’t have to be entirely in my head. I can keep these loving gorillas in mind and try to emulate their give and take, their loving care for all: others and themselves.

Position Four: Needed Approach

Hippo, Ten of Shells (Ten of Cups)

Happy, harmonious, and loving. Approach from a position of assuming the best and of loving those around me rather than imagining the situation as antagonistic or dangerous.

Position Five: How to let energy flow

Heron, Two of Feathers (Two of Swords)

Don’t assume my choice is between either the logical path or the emotional one. They are not actually mutually exclusive. It will be a painful choice if that is the choice system I create. The energy will flow better if I slowly lower my defenses.

Position Six: What commitment is needed

Monkey, Two of Fossils (Two of Pentacles)

I need to commit to the journey, knowing there will be ups and downs. I need to commit to staying in the process. This might take creativity, flexibility, and a playfulness I often keep buried.

Overall Reflection

There are an abundance of cards that speak directly to balance in this reading! I’m hearing that message loud and clear — both in the spread itself (a reading for Temperance) and in the cards that showed up (The Hanged Man, Six of Fossils, Two of Feathers, Two of Fossils). That may be my new mantra for a while: “Balance. Share like the gorillas. Choices aren’t all  mutually exclusive. Go with the ups and downs. ”

 

Halloween Reading

I wanted to do this yesterday, but we were awfully busy and I wasn’t able to. So I’m doing my Halloween reading one day late. I found this spread at The Daily Tarot Girl.

Reading 2015, Nov 1
Efflorescent Tarot

Position One: The Costume, who do I want to be this year

Four of Cups

The Four of Cups speaks to dissatisfaction and inner contemplation. I like to consult all of my little white books, and the Animal Wisdom Tarot book says, “Isn’t it time to come out of your shell?” Yes, that’s who I want to be this year. Someone who can let go of the supposed stability (really, rigidity) that keeps me dissatisfied, feeling trapped in myself. While it’s good to look inside myself for contemplation, I can’t stay there forever. It’s time to crawl out of my shell and be a freer, and happier, person. The guide for the Animism Tarot mentions a fear of change. I acknowledge that this fear exists, even as I so wish for change to happen.

Position Two: Possessed, what drives and inspires me

The Moon

The Moon speaks of the unconscious, how it affects us, and sometimes deception.

The moon is our primary natural source of light at night, and by the light of the moon things may or may not be as they seem. In the same way, my unconscious can bring my attention to important things by showing them to me in a new light. But it can also distort reality and make me feel fearful or drive me mad. I am driven by a desire to be a healthy and whole person. To understand my unconscious and how it and my traumatic past influence me so I can take conscious control and grow as a person. It feels like a tightrope pretty often: incredibly empowering and incredibly scary. Are those friendly dogs or hungry wolves under that moon? I’m not sure, but I keep going.

Position Three: Candy, how to get more sweetness out of life

Ace of Pentacles

The Ace of Pentacles represents opportunity. I can get more sweetness out of life by taking hold of more earth-centered opportunities. Create and accept physical comfort, the feeling of home, the wonders of nature, and the presence of my loved ones. I can get sweetness from putting down roots rather than retreating so often when things feel scary. Stay put, ride out the storm, and enjoy the physical joys that come from being in the world.

Position Four: Haunted, ghosts from the past

Ten of Cups

My past is the opposite of the Ten of Cups, which represents unconditional love, family, and bliss. I absolutely did not have a stable support system, and any time I thought things were going well, the rug would be violently pulled out from under me. I desperately want what the Ten of Cups represents. Who doesn’t, right? But any time I feel like I’m getting close to a life that might resemble the happiness contained in this card, I am absolutely gripped with fear that it will all be taken away and that the people I thought could be my loving family aren’t really invested in me and that I’m replaceable and unimportant. It is indeed the ultimate ghost from my past.

Position Five: RIP, how to banish those ghosts for good

The High Priestess

This is a tough one for me. The High Priestess represents intuition, the unconscious, and keeping secrets. Perhaps she is an indication to keep moving along my moonlit path, even though it’s a bit scary. She may also be saying to use my intuition more and my conscious intellect less. Feel my way along the path rather than think my way. Paul Quinn in Tarot for Life says, “that wisdom cannot merely be handed to us; we must feel our way toward it” (46, emphasis in original).

Position Six: Monsters & Goblins, fears and negative habits I’m ready to let go of

Ten of Swords

The Ten of Swords represents defeat. I’m tired of being depressed! I’m tried of fearing that my family of choice doesn’t love me as much as I love them. I’m tired of being afraid to show that love and appearing overly cool with them. Animals Wisdom Tarot’s Ten of Feathers is the vulture which can represent bringing life from death and flying high to shift the way we see the world. I’m ready to do that. I’m not assuming it will be easy, but I’m so ready.